I miss old school lunch boxes. Not the cheap plastic kind you see nowadays. I mean the heavy, steel made vessels with durable latches that kept milk cold, soup hot, and could occasionally be used as a weapon to fend off schoolyard bullies.
Recently, while dropping our twins off at daycare, I discovered a stairwell in the school that is filled with lunch boxes and was surprised to see one that I had as a kid!
I loved that lunch box. I recall carrying it on the early morning walks to school in Michigan. The bottom was completely scratched up since I would sit on it and then scoot along the pavement pretending I was riding the bus (I didn’t have many friends).
Some of the other lunch boxes I saw were fascinating and certainly nothing like you would see in an elementary school today.
Question: What on Earth could be better than a lunch box with a floating head of Lee Majors. All while showcasing his amazing talent of jumping over cars, ripping out trees, running with stallions and bending railroad tracks? Answer: Nothing.
A shirtless B.A. Baracas AND a smoking Hannibal Smith. This was definitely the lunch box for the kid who just didn’t give a damn.
Hardy Boys Mysteries always freaked me out. The show always scared me and made me uncomfortable. This lunch box is not scary but it is uncomfortable in a weird Olan Mills Photography sort of way.
This Davy Crockett lunch box has political incorrectness written all over it. Obviously, the choice of a future Washington Redskins fan. Jerks.
Ma and Pa have their rifles ready to protect their beloved Chuck Wagon. Nothing says “I’m hungry for a bologna sandwich” like pioneer violence.
Lastly, we have this little gem. Grimace seems to have lost his mind and is threatening to assassinate Mayor McCheese. Never fear, Ronald McDonald will certainly intervene to help calm the situation. Oh, no…that’s right. He’s a clown. And clowns are blood thirsty parasites that relish in the pain of others. Look how Ronald is inviting the kids to forgo their lunch and enjoy the violent rampage of an amorphous purple madman against an important political figure.
Hopefully there is a Chuck Wagon around the corner and Ma and Pa will put a cap in the ass of that ginger haired sadist.